Want to make your body smooth for the summer? While we’re firm believers that you don’t need to be hairless to be beautiful, you do need to be hairless to be a bowling lane – the smoothest surface of all. Here are the best hair removal techniques to turn your body into a bowling lane.
Shaving
Shaving will always be the most pain-free and fast way to defuzz your body until it turns into a glass-smooth surface for bowling balls. However, if you don’t invest in a decent razor, you may end up with ingrown hairs, nicks or bumps that could cost a bowling team the championship if they’re using your body as their lane. Even the shortest leg stubble can send a ball right into the gutter, so buy a razor with lots of blades. You’ll be a fuckable bowling lane in no time!
Hair Removal Pads
Hair removal pads have revolutionized the at-home shaving game so anyone can become a bowling lane in their own bathroom. Exfoliating beads soften stubble while removing excess dead skin so you can go from “person” to “hot path for bowling balls” pronto. After rubbing these pads all over, your body will be so polished your boyfriend will want to throw a nine-pound bowling ball down your hole every day. Success!
Body Serum
Body serum is your best bet to stop bristles from sprouting back up, causing your body to fail the United States Bowling Congress guidelines for smoothness. Apply this serum daily to your entire body if you don’t want to pay a fine to the USBC. You’ll save money, but also feel confident about slipping on shorts, since your skin will look smooth enough for a huge ball to fly down and destroy a bunch of pins. Ow, ow! Sexy!
Laser
Laser treatments are a high-tech way to transform yourself into a regulation AMF bowling lane. With enough regular sessions, you’ll see a reduction in hair growth in about two months – enough time for your lover to get really good at bowling so your efforts aren’t wasted. Seriously, how much would it suck to get rid of all your body hair and have no one willing to rent your alley for a game of competitive bowling? With a laser, you’ll become a lane that’s guaranteed to get bowled on!
If you’ve ever wanted to keep your skin reasonably smooth and then thought, “No, I actually want to be a bowling lane,” try any of these tools to get the job done.
