Tessa Obviously Thinking About Her Boyfriend While You Talk to Her

A distressing story is currently unfolding in the downtown area, where your friend Tessa is definitely thinking about her boyfriend while she’s supposed to be listening to you.


Mere minutes into a very important conversation you needed to have with her, 27-year-old Tessa has very clearly zoned out. Apparently, your work problem shouldn’t have to matter to her since she has a boyfriend now.


A witness was like, “Wow, okay. I guess that’s how things are now.”


“It’s weird because she is managing to talk still when she’s obviously not paying attention,” you told reporters this afternoon. “Her mouth says solid advice while her eyes say, ‘Aw he did that cute thing this morning.’”



This is not the first time an incident like this has taken place. Just last month, Tessa seemed to black out for nearly four days, only able to think about her boyfriend Tom, who in all honesty is like whatever.


“I mean he’s cool, but my story about the lady that punched me on the train was way cooler,” explains close friend, Anastasia, who was affected by the same problem. “I told her the lady called me a ‘little rabbit bitch,’ and all she said is that Tom had a rabbit once.”


Sources say that you have just begun implanting nonsense words into your story and she has not noticed one bit. In fact, she did not so much as blink until you said the word “thong,” which she thought was “Tom.” But your tale about what you found in your underwear last weekend is infinitely more fascinating than all of Tom’s personality so this whole situation is reading as pretty insane to everyone.


At one point in the conversation about the unstable political climate, she accidentally mumbled his name out loud. Her attempt to cover it with a cough failed, and you were forced to ask, “Are you daydreaming about how Tom called you a cute-butt again?”


No word yet on whether Tessa will remember that you are awesome and have been filling her life with awesome long before Tom even existed.