Nothing can stop a barbecue dead in its tracks like unseemly sweat stains. Don’t get caught looking funky – here are some foods to accidentally drizzle down your shirt at the first signs of sweat, so you can hide your stains with something way more normal!
For Palm Sweat: the Mexican Jumping Iced Coffee Bean
Be prepared for overactive palms by having an iced coffee in your right hand at all times (easy!). If you run into a friend or meet someone new, spill liberally over your hands, arms, and – if it looks like they may go in for a hug – entire upper body. You’ll look adorably klutzy and fresh, rather than clammy and slimy.
For Underboob Sweat: the Slippery Popsicle
With too much sunbathing, identical wet spots could ruin an otherwise perfect day or your otherwise perfect breasts. Find a child with a firecracker popsicle or some unfrozen Flavor Ice and melt a smiley face around the meat of your double B’s right into that sweaty cavern below.
For Crotch Sweat: the Fruit Cup Double-tap
Sweating on the go? Pop into a corner store, and pick up a fruit cup and make all your friends jealous of your healthy choices. Then drop it down that swampy crotch for a refreshingly cool – and healthy – sweat cover-up. If made at home, be sure to use fruits with a lot of water, like melons.
For Foot Sweat: the “Let’s Sit Outside!”
Don’t let the sweat filling up your shoes ruin your whole day. Announce to the party that we’re all moving outside even though it just rained, and dig your feet in some dirt along the way to hide the evidence, skipping playfully through puddles of mud. Not only will everyone be jealous of your bond with nature, they’ll be none the wiser about your feet stank.
For Face Sweat: the Victory Gatorade
Conquer your awkward sweat moustache at any local sporting event. Dump the jug of Gatorade over your head and know that you are sweat-free, beautiful, and Lemon or Electric Blue. People might even want to lick you!
If there are no summery items around worth spilling, try finding the nearest baby to spit up on you, or in a pinch, open a fire hydrant!
