Successful Woman Dies From Brain Being Picked to Death

Bestselling author and CEO Karen Brown was found dead Tuesday at her penthouse apartment after her brain was picked to death by peers and mentees.


An autopsy and a thorough search of her LinkedIn inbox revealed hundreds of messages from lower-level professionals attempting to set up lunches, happy hours, and coffee dates to “discuss her business,” helping coroners confirm the unlikely cause of death.


“Karen was a very generous person and almost always agreed to let acquaintances take her to coffee to ‘pick her brain,’” mother Susan Brown explains. “But I guess there’s only so much brain you get picked.”


Karen was known for her generosity, which was unfortunately the cause of her demise.



“People were always reaching out to Karen for advice, but what they really wanted was a job offer or email address that would magically enable them to skip years of experience and hard work,” says Matt Danielson, an acquaintance in her field. “By the way, do you think you could connect me with her colleague? I’m looking to make a parallel career move.”


The slow-moving infection started over five years ago, when an acquaintance asked if she could “buy her a beer and pick her brain.” That encounter, which ended with Brown’s advice to “spend two hours every day teaching yourself coding like I did,” was the first of hundreds of meetings in which Brown bestowed her knowledge and insight to lazy people for little in return.


Funeral services will be this Wednesday. In lieu of flowers, Brown’s family is requesting that mourners refrain from networking at her funeral services, and to please stop sending their daughter posthumous requests for LinkedIn endorsements.