Spring is finally here—it’s time to bust out a hot pair of shades! A good pair of sunglasses can make or break an outfit. Also Mike’s been staring at his phone for the past ten minutes, and there’s no good reason why Rachel H. from work needs to ask him anything this late at night, for fuck’s sake. There’s no better way to stay en vogue—and on top of who the shit he keeps getting Snapchats from—than with these trendy, text-checking shapes.
Cat Eyes
These vintage throwbacks are always in fashion. We recently spotted some cat-eye sunnies on the Moschino runway, once we felt sure Mike wasn’t up to anything weird and had time to focus on the show. These frames are best paired with an oval face and glancing at his stupid phone from a short distance such as seated next to him on a park bench when he should be fucking listening to your story.
Oversized Glasses
Oversized glasses are definitely ruling the spring/summer fashion season. These work well with any face shape, and are also the most versatile peeking-wise. Ask for outdoor seating at a restaurant and keep these on your face a little longer than normal—maybe he’ll let his guard down and hold his phone at a low angle so you can finally see what the fuck is so funny.
Aviators
Everyone’s favorite sunny trend is back! We recommend trying these in a funky geometric shape. Aviators work best on a square-shaped face, and in reflecting his shame back in his stupid face. Yeah, I see you creeping on her Instagram. I am looking directly at you.
Dark Lenses
Dark lenses are a favorite not only because they provide the most protection from the bright summer sun, but also because opaque lenses shield him from seeing that you are side-eying his phone screen and nothing but his phone screen. Seriously, no grown man texts their “mom” this much.
Whether you’re fashion-forward, prefer a classic vintage look, or your idiot boyfriend keeps texting his idiot “friend” about Hearthstone or whatever the fuck, you’ll love this summer’s trendiest eyewear!
