93% of Family Predicts Matriarch Will Die Before Stacy Has Kids

According to a recent study, 93% of the Rogers Family predicts their family’s matriarch will die before Stacy has kids.


“Stacy hasn’t brought home a suitor since high school,” reported Stacy’s mother, Luann Rogers, of her 25-year-old daughter. “And we’re celebrating Nanny’s 86th in September.”


Stacy’s younger siblings agreed the passing of their beloved Nanny would occur long before their older sister locked down a partner to continue the family line.


“Nanny’s old and boys hate Stacy,” said Jessica Rogers, Stacy’s younger sister. “Dad says I’m Nanny’s only hope for great-grandkids.”



Stacy’s father, David Rogers, also predicted Nanny will be but a memory at the birth of Stacy’s firstborn. He also predicts Stacy will be last in line to wed, if at all, despite a 14-year age gap between her and her youngest cousin.


“You know, my friend Caroline’s nephew Jonathan just got divorced,” offered Stacy’s Aunt Lesley. “I should set him up with Caroline. He’s 32 and very single. I bet he’d date you, Stacy!”


Nanny herself responded to the survey questionnaire with, “Who’s Stacy?”