Social Distancing Fail! I Just Found So Many Ants In My Room

I thought I was doing so well with the whole pandemic – wearing a cute mask, eating quietly alone in my room with my boyfriend, and using my job loss to lean into a new endeavor as an aspiring influencer. But apparently I’m fucking not doing well.


There are thousands of fucking ants all over my room now. So many. How many of them have COVID? I have no idea!!


I’ve been in close contact with ants. I have no idea of my level of exposure, but chances are it’s high. I knew I shouldn’t have let my boyfriend spill beer while he was filming himself doing a Tiktok dance where he held a beer while dancing as a joke.


I knew he wouldn’t clean it up.


This is such a social distancing fail! Worse then when Dylan slipped on the beer in the video. He says he planned the fall but I can tell he didn’t mean to. Anyways, here’s the worst part about the ants: I accidentally put them on my Instagram story. I didn’t realize they were in the background of some selfies.


So now, yeah, I’m getting shamed for “having parties.”



What the fuck?! This could only happen to me. I guess I have to call my parents and have them put the hospital on standby or something. They can probably pull some strings with their embassy friends to get me the good tests and meds from other countries.


But can someone tell me how to get rid of ants? They are still trying to infect me. Right now. Huddled on the cracker I left to lead them away from the beer spill so I could wipe it up.