Signs It’s Time to Make Love to Your Ski Instructor in Front of a Raging Fireplace

In these trying times, one has to ask: Is it time to make passionate love to your ski instructor in front of a raging fireplace? It’s a question everyone will face at one point or another, but it can still be difficult to navigate the intricacies of this steamy rite of passage. Here are some telltale clues that it may be time to take that important next step with your professor of the slopes.


You came on this ski trip to find yourself, but you may have found something else.

If you came on this ski trip to find yourself, but now you’re feeling like you may have found something else entirely (namely a sexual tension between you and your ski instructor Vlad so hot it could melt the very powder beneath your quivering skis), then it may be time for you two to make sweet love to each other in front of an open fireplace. Is that a ski pole Vlad is holding out for you to grasp gently while he guides you down the mountainside, or is he just happy to see you? It’s a ski pole! Vlad’s penis isn’t six feet long; that would be insane. Maybe you should find out what Vlad’s regular, human penis is actually like….in front of the fire.



You’re reading between the lines, and the lines say S-E-X.

There’s definitely something going on between you and Vlad, but is he ready to take this leap together? Read his body language. Do you catch him stealing glances at you? Can you see his chest hair cropping up from under his little ski sweater? This isn’t technically body language, but it’s definitely a vibe. Next, read his spoken language. Does he say things like, “I have a massive, raging fireplace in my cabin — perfect for lovemaking in front of.” This is a sure sign that it’s time for sex with hairy intercourse king of the mountain, Vlad.


There’s a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace, and Vlad is lounging on it, naked save a tiny scarf and his mittens.

This is one of the clearest signs that it’s time to make wild yet precise, artful yet scientifically perfect, optimistic, disorienting love to your ski instructor while the fire rages on beside you. How’s Vlad going to utilize those mittens? Only time will tell, but a lady never does.


Search for these signs, and you’ll soon learn whether it’s your time for après-ski lovemaking with the capable Vlad. Good luck!