Most men may prioritize trivial attributes like appearance while selecting a partner, but William Schlotnik isn’t most men. We had the chance to speak with the 32-year-old New Yorker who is thrilled about his budding relationship.
“She has a great sense of humor,” said Schlotnik, who is dating a comprehensive laugh track filled with a variety of female laughs.
Schlotnik readily admits that the couple met on Tinder.
“I wrote that I was 6 feet 7 inches in my profile – and those are two separate measurements,” says Schlotnik. “That’s how I weeded out the girls who don’t understand comedy.”
Schlotnik followed up with a joke: “People say I’m an asshole, but you are what you eat. Haha wat up?” to which the laugh track responded with “Hahahahaha.”
Schlotnik’s girlfriend, who doesn’t have a name because she’s a hackneyed sitcom device, absolutely understands comedy and responds to everything Schlotnik says with uproarious laughter.
“I hate to say this, but most women just aren’t funny,” says Schlotnik. “I literally can’t even name a single female comedian. But my girlfriend, she just gets it, you know?”
“Do you know any female comedians, babe?” Schlotnik asked his girlfriend, who did not respond because she is a laugh track.
“Uh-oh,” Schlotnik said. “I’ve got to go. The street meat I ate for lunch is about to destroy me.”
Schlotnik then rose to find the bathroom, and his girlfriend laughed for 20 seconds uninterrupted.
“See, that right there,” Schlotnik said. “Most girls wouldn’t have understood why that’s funny. That’s my girl.”
“We’re still working on different sounds for sex,” he added.