Residents of Seattle, WA were shocked to see that 25-year-old Maya Ryerson has shaved her legs for the first time in six months, an uncharacteristic move which suggests she recently saw her parents.
Yeah, actually say no more!
“Naturally, I don’t give a shit about body hair,” Maya defensively told reporters gathered at the scene. “But for some reason it becomes a huge thing with my parents every time I go home. I’ll tell my mom I’m doing well and generally taking care of myself, but the second she sees my leg hair, I can tell something shifts. She assumes I’ve drastically changed and no longer care about my ‘hygiene, appearance, or values.’ It’s awesome!”
Sources confirm any time Maya went home with visible body hair in the past, it took an average of 14 seconds for her mother to notice, look at it disapprovingly, and sigh.
“The sigh is the first sign that things are amiss,” Maya continued. “Then, maybe at dinner she’ll bring up something like, ‘You know, people really judge others based on appearances,’ which is code for ‘Would it kill you to shave?’”
After the third trip home where this occurred, Maya decided it was simply not worth it, and has been shaving pre-trip ever since.
“Sorry that I don’t have the mental fortitude to stand up for my body hair,” Maya said. “Sorry I’m not a better man…”
None of Maya’s friends hold this practice against her, though, as the majority do the same thing themselves.
“Oh yeah, if I know I’m going home, I tell everyone in advance that I’m about to look a little different,” said Maya’s best friend, Kenzie Fink. “So, when Maya showed up all stubble-y last week, I just knew to give her some space. She’s healing. It’s her healing time.”
Shaved legs aren’t the only sign that Maya recently saw her parents.
“I feel like she’s been off for a few days – just dredging up a lot of old, outdated ideas of success and what it means to live a valuable life. I think she applied to a job at Meta?” Maya’s roommate, DeShawn Hayes said. “Then I saw her legs were shaved and I was like, ‘Oooooh yeah she totally just saw her parents.’”
As of press time, Maya’s body hair is recovering apace. In fact, it’ll probably be back just in time for Thanksgiving, when she will inevitably have to shave it again. Cycle of life vibes!
