Farting in front of each other is like saying I love you: the guy needs to be the one to do it first. So what do you do if you accidentally let one slip? Break out one of these wild sex positions for when you’re close enough with him to have sex with him, but not close enough to break wind.
The Hidden Dragon
Do you think he noticed? He might not have, but quickly mount him just in case. Pounce on him immediately because the less time you put in between the sex and the fart, the better. Pretend like something in the movie you’re watching just made you super horny and you want his body bad!
The Space Race
Get over your humiliation by getting on his dick. Straddle him and start gyrating wildly before he has a chance to process what your colon just did to the air. Having him see you naked and in control will make him drown in ecstasy before he even realizes you farted.
Tommy Lee Bones
This position is designed to stimulate his prostate, which is shown to cause pleasure-induced temporary amnesia. You know that stick thing in Men in Black that makes people forget their recent experiences? You’re turning his penis into one of those. That fart was pretty loud, so dig deep!
Under the Big Top
That butt burp was so impressive, he’d almost be proud if he weren’t so flaccid. Make sure you didn’t blow it by blowing his mind. Stand on your head and let him try to enter you from above. This probably isn’t comfortable and won’t work out really well, but at least he’ll remember how sexually adventurous you are and not anything else.
The Sideways Sailor
You really like him. Like, really like him. This can’t be the thing that he stops calling you over. While fiercely pretending that sounds aren’t real, let him enter you from the side and go to town on your va-jay-jay. Bonus: This position hides that shameful “I just farted” look you can’t get off your face. Ahoy, mating!
The “Howdy, Pardner!”
Sit on him reverse cowgirl style, lean back, and scream out, “Paul! Paul!” because by now he’s forgotten that’s what he’s supposed to be called. Also, making loud noises will help cleanse his ears of the noise your butt made.
Try these scorchers tonight, right after dinner! You probably won’t have a choice!
