The Montgomery Foundation – started by billionaire philanthropist Fitsimmons Montgomery – has announced a $2,000 grant towards one student’s education. All the application requires is a resume, cover letter, work sample, and quick introductory video of the applicant begging on their hands and knees, dancing like a stupid little monkey.
“I was slightly surprised by one part of the application,” said high schooler Harriet Greer. “The work sample! The rest is pretty standard. I wonder what work I’m going to submit!”
The introductory video section had simple guidelines, reading, “We want to get to know you! Submit a two-to-three-minute video explaining what has inspired you to pursue higher education and also a quick interlude of you begging for the money like a filthy dog. Just absolutely groveling for it. Preferably on your hands and knees. Wailing is permitted but not required.”
An asterisk led to another section of guidelines: “If this option isn’t suitable for you, you could alternatively entertain us with quips like a court jester or make animal sounds that amuse – cow and fish are acceptable, but don’t go crazy with the variety. If there is another way you feel is more suitable to belittle yourself and entertain us, you’re welcome to take liberties with this section, but it is absolutely required.”
Two final checkboxes at the end of the application asked, “Did you include your home address?” and “Did you remember the begging thing?”
“I was excited to apply for the grant because it would go a long way to fund my in-state tuition at UCLA,” said local high schooler Olivia Smith. “And sure, I was a bit taken aback by the section that asked me to dance like a monkey – preferably chimpanzee over gorilla – but for $2,000, sure! I’ll do anything!”
The administrators of the scholarship told reporters that the requirement came directly from Fitsimmons Montgomery himself: “He was super hands-off for the entire process,” scholarship administrator Rachel Scenna told reporters. “Aside from his one stipulation, of course, which is the dancing and begging thing. He was really clear that he wouldn’t grant the scholarship without it.”
“THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO GET A TASTE OF MY MONEY,” Fitsimmons yelled, unprompted and to no one, out the window of his penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park.
The scholarship received 5,720 applicants, and per the website, “it will be awarded to one lucky senior who really sells it.”
