In a horror story that will keep even the most time-blind person awake at night, 24-year-old Gracie Parker estimated how long it’s going to take her to get to her doctor’s appointment this morning, but her estimate is based on every single thing going exactly right.
Dear God, no! Hasn’t she been victim to the unkind hand of chance in the past?
“I have an appointment at nine, and it should take me about an hour to get there as long as there’s absolutely no traffic on the bus and my train comes on time,” she told reporters, seemingly unaware that this was a terrifying sentence. “I mean, if those things don’t happen, it will take me about an hour and a half. But I’m hopeful!”
Sources confirm being hopeful unfortunately does not have any sway with the universe.
“This estimated travel time could be correct if she were living in, I don’t know, Mussolini’s Italy,” Gracie’s anxious roommate Eva Wexner said. “But when has an NYC train ever come on time? When has a bus not hit traffic? It simply does not happen.”
Gracie was quick to counter that this did happen to her once last year, which means it will probably happen again forever and can be considered a reliable expectation.
Sources confirm Gracie mapped the route last night to “make sure she left enough time to get to her appointment,” so reporters were unsure why she struggles with foresight in this way.
“I’m really good at planning ahead, actually,” she said. “I’m just bad at planning for imperfection. As long as I leave right at 8:02, everything will be just fine.”
Gracie left her house one minute late, which meant she missed the first bus, which put her in intense rush hour traffic. This traffic, in turn, made her miss her train as well.
The next train was delayed due to a “track issue,” so she arrived at her 9:00 appointment promptly at 9:45.
Upon arriving at the office, Gracie blamed traffic, the subways, and God in equal measure.
Sources confirm she muttered, “won’t do that again” to herself, before planning a route to a surprise dinner party tomorrow. Her mapping app estimated it would take about 17 minutes to get from her house to the surprise party, so she allocated exactly 17 minutes for the trip.
Nice one, girl! Way to not learn from your mistakes!
