In unsurprising news coming out of your closet, the running shorts you purchased in eighth grade are still very much a regular part of your summer wardrobe.
Despite the shorts having no more elasticity and a neon yellow pattern that wasn’t even cool in middle school, you still have steadfastly dug them out every summer for the past three presidential terms.
“They’re comfortable and go with everything,” you say despite only ever pairing them with one of three tank tops. “So many fashion trends come and go, but running shorts will stay slightly in style forever.”
Your mother, on the other hand, is less than pleased.
“I could’ve sworn I’ve tried to donate those shorts multiple times,” she says. “I can’t believe they haven’t disintegrated by now.”
They, in fact, barely stay up and keep riding down every time you move, despite paradoxically also being too tight, but that doesn’t deter you from making them a summer staple.
“Sure, the waistband is gone and I live in slight panic every time I feel it slide when I walk,” you say while pulling the shorts up well above your hips. “But that doesn’t mean I should just throw away a perfectly fine pair of shorts.”
Sources close to you privately wonder if it’s time to do just that.
“While we were in college it made sense to wear old clothes from home,” said one close friend who wished to remain anonymous. “But now it’s been more than a decade since middle school. I’m pretty sure it’s time to get some new shorts.”
You reportedly have gotten new running shorts since then, but still opt for the old pair from middle school.
“The new ones are too nice to be worn on a regular basis – what if I get sweaty in them? I feel much more comfortable wearing the old pair because they’ve been through it all.”
Despite concerns from those close to you, you report you have no intention of getting rid of the shorts.
“If Kim Kardashian can wear a dress from the 60s, I can keep wearing my middle school shorts. It’s practically considered vintage at this point!”
