In an inconsiderate turn of events out of Chicago, your rude friend Dana Ehrlich reportedly shared a major life achievement to Facebook, without adding a single content warning prefacing the disturbing message.
According to sources, Dana’s entire update read: “Hello friends, here’s a quick life update from me! This year I graduated summa cum laude from Temple University’s M.S. in Data Science, and I will be continuing my studies in the PhD program at Berkeley this fall. Thank you to the wonderful people that supported me to this point: my loving partner, my mentors and peers at Temple, and my supportive parents. Here’s to many more adventures! Berkeley, here I come!”
Sources say you sharply inhaled as your vulnerable eyes processed this unwelcome information, and wondered what you did to deserve this unprovoked assault.
“Of course, I’m happy for Dana,” you said. “And I get that she’s just trying to let people know what she’s got going on. I just wonder if Dana has ever paused, during her many years of schooling, to consider that maybe not all of us want to read that kind of disturbing content right now. There’s enough negativity going on in the world these days. Why add to it?”
“And if she just had to share, she should really have added a ‘CW: success’ to her post,” you added, “It’s just best practice.”
Unfortunately, witnesses report that Dana is not a lone offender for this crime. Analyses of your Instagram feed show there is an epidemic of people plastering all sorts of lurid, gory details of various life milestones, with zero regard for how this violence might harm an innocent just trying to scroll their TL in peace.
Reportedly, your friend Andie recently posted about becoming a licensed physical therapist, Sam posted photos of their new restaurant, Izzy and Elaine shared their vacation to Costa Rica, and Kim posted about undergoing general personal growth.
“It’s really not that hard,” you said. “Add a ‘CW: success, happy and stable relationship, starting your own business, advanced degrees, vacation, happiness’ – whatever it may be, so you warn people about what they’re getting into. It’s a tough world out there. Let’s take care of each other.”