In an evasive mystery that plagues the sciences and humanities alike, researchers are still trying to figure out how little nephew Liam Clarke-Parikh is suddenly 13 years old.
“We know for sure that Liam was born September 27, 2007,” says Dr. Cam Nguyen. “But 2007, like just happened. And how did he get so tall?”
“How could this young man be 13 when it was 2011, like, a year ago and 2007 is right before that?” Dr. Nguyen adds. “Add onto this the fact that he was three or four during that one Christmas, and it makes for a fairly incomprehensible situation.”
Anita Clarke, Clarke-Parikh’s aunt, is among the most confounded by the young nephew’s alleged age.
“The numbers just don’t add up,” Clarke says. “This is causing a lot of confusion and chaos for everyone. If Liam’s is a teenager, then how old am I? I mean, I know how old I am, but it’s like, how old are we all really, you know?”
“It’s disorienting to say the least,” Clarke adds. “But it does bring some comfort knowing that the right minds for the job are looking into it.”
A number of factors are adding to the impenetrability of the case, including but not limited to the fact that Clarke “literally remembers the day [Clarke-Parikh] was born”, Clarke-Parikh claims to be in 8th grade, indicating he will soon be entering high school which is insane, and also it makes no sense that Clarke’s sister could have a teenager because she and Clarke are “basically teenagers”.
“Bottom line is we have a lot of data to wade through,” says Dr. Nguyen. “But we are dedicated to coming up with a clear answer as to how this little nephew is now 13.”
At press time, the team was set back by the discovery that Clarke-Parikh is officially taller than his aunt, and before you know it, he’ll be eating spaghetti off of all our heads.