In a new report conducted by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, results suggest that no matter what one does to try and prevent some bullshit from happening, it always is, and always will be, fucking something.
“You might think that it’s possible to have one day where nothing goes wrong, especially if you dealt with a bunch of other issues the day before,” Lead Researcher Dr. Bradley Trujillo told reporters. “However, this is never the case. No matter what fires you put out, or what precautions you take to make sure nothing stops your day right in its tracks, there will always be fucking something. It’s just a natural law of life!”
The study was conducted with each participant tracking every day of their lives for a month and recording whether or not they had to deal with something out of nowhere that they did not want to deal with. After the data points were noted, it became abundantly clear that none of them had gone a single day where nothing went wrong.
“A lot of my issues were surrounding my apartment,” one participant named Leslie Midthunder said. “Last week I had a leak in my ceiling, then when I finally got it fixed, my refrigerator stopped working. Then, after I got my fridge replaced, I fell down my front steps and had to go to the hospital.”
While some of these issues could be directly attributed to Leslie’s landlord, it appears that these kinds of taxing experiences were tracked in other participants’ daily logs as well.
“I cleaned my entire house a few days ago. It took me the whole weekend, but I was so satisfied with the results,” another participant, Marisa Goodfellow, told reporters. “But then the next day, my roommate spilled orange juice all over the carpet, and then my girlfriend broke up with me, and then I got scammed out of 500 dollars!”
Researchers are still working diligently to find a solution for this prevalent and ongoing issue in everyone’s lives, but currently they are left scratching their heads.
“We’ve been hard at work trying to figure out how to stop this,” Dr. Trujillo told reporters. “But I’m honestly not very confident that we can, especially since we’ve been having daily technical difficulties and lost a few hundred important data points. But, y’know, it happens to the best of us.”
