In illuminating news coming out of your bedroom, it turns out that the raunchy 80s comedy you’ve always been meaning to watch is actually overflowing with various sex crimes.
After you finally rented a beloved 80s film that your parents have been recommending for years, you noticed in the first five minutes of it that the female protagonist was 17 and her male love interest was 26.
“Oh god,” you thought to yourself. “This movie is gonna be cringey for sure.”
According to reports, it was hard enough to watch when one a male character kissing a woman against her will is played for laughs, but you were unpleasantly surprised when you found out that the movie also featured 35 different instances of sexual assault, all with 80s pop hits like “Oh Yeah” playing in the background.
“The worst part was probably when the male lead got the female lead drunk before having sex with her,” you said. “And on top of that, she didn’t even know it was him – she thought it was an entirely different person, which I guess was supposed to be really funny in the 80s?”
“It’s a classic!” your dad said. “Sure, you couldn’t make those kinds of movies nowadays, but this was back when comedy was funny, you know?”
“Right,” your mom added. “But it definitely wouldn’t be allowed in theaters today.”
Witnesses on the scene report that you did see the appeal of the movie because of the cool outfits the characters wore and the non-sex-crime-related hijinks they got into, but the constant groping of women throughout the movie definitely got in the way of your enjoyment of the hit 80s film.
“I thought I was gonna like this movie because of all of the screencaps and quotes I see of it everywhere on the internet,” you told us. “But I guess those were the only parts that didn’t blatantly show someone getting sexually assaulted.”
At press time, you considered watching something from the 90s that’s hopefully less problematic, like Basic Instinct.
