Finding the right birth control method is no easy task. The pill is a pain to remember, and condoms come with a host of their own issues. You’ve considered getting an IUD, but you’re hesitant because you’ve heard warnings of painful insertions and irregular menstruation. Maybe the best way to avoid pregnancy is to move to an isolated residence by the sea! Take this quiz to find out if you should get an IUD or move to the top of a lighthouse.
Do you have a high pain tolerance?
a.) Yes. I’m not squeamish about things like needles or small procedures.
b.) No. I cannot stand even the slightest bit of pain.
Do you want to have children within the next five years?
a.) I may want to start a family one day, but not within the next five years.
b.) Not really. I don’t like children. Actually, I don’t like anyone. I prefer being alone, as far away as possible from the nearest living soul. Just me, the sea and the ever-changing tides.
Do you struggle with remembering daily tasks such as taking the pill?
a.) Yes! I hate having to set reminders or count on being in the same place every day.
b.) No. I yearn for a solitary, structured life in which I am far away from all men. I wish to rise at dawn each day as the sun spreads over the western waves. I watch my seagulls. They leave me, but I know they will return. I am calm.
What method of birth control do you currently use?
a.) Condoms, the pill, the NuvaRing, a patch, or an implant.
b.) Avoiding intercourse altogether and instead imagine trimming the wick of a lighthouse gas candle, fiber by fiber. Yes, that will do.
Mostly A’s: It seems like an IUD might be the right choice for you! Talk to your gynecologist about the different types of IUDs available to you, and see what best fits your needs. It might seem scary, but you’ll be glad you don’t have to worry anymore about an unwanted pregnancy!
Mostly B’s: You should definitely move to the top of a lighthouse. It’s less painful than an IUD and 100% effective against pregnancy. You also seem to have a mild seagull/ocean fetish so live your truth, sister! And like all birth control methods, make sure to watch out for seamen!