QUIZ: Can You Hold My Ass All Night?

To really assess the type of person you’re going to be in my life, I have to know if I can count on you for important things. Will you be there when I need you? Can I trust you to be kind? And can you can hold my ass all night? Like, alllll night? Here’s the quiz that will reveal if you are capable of the crucial task of holding my ass until the morning comes:


Do you care about the wellbeing of my ass? Do you cherish her?

  1. I care about your ass more than I care about my own mother.
  2. I wouldn’t say cherish, but…


Are you fully aware of the needs of my ass? Do you understand the responsibility that it takes to hold my ass?

  1. I know that any ass like this truly needs attention. I promise to provide and to learn to be better when needed.
  2. I really thought this was just about squeezing your butt.


Are you able to sleep in one position (specifically the spooning position) all night for maximum ass-access?

  1. Yes, I sleep like a rock. An ass-shaped rock.
  2. No, I toss and turn a lot.


Are you able to give my ass a gentle squeeze whenever it is astir in the middle of the night so that it knows it is not alone?

  1. It would be my pleasure and my duty.
  2. Yes, but I’m not sure your ass ‘knows’ it is alone.





Mostly 1’s: You can hold my ass all night. Thank you so much for stepping up to the plate for this. You will be greatly rewarded as you enjoy this privilege. You’re welcome.


Mostly 2’s: You can NOT hold my ass night. Unfortunately, you do not simply have what it takes and cannot rise to the occasion at this time. Sorry babe, your loss!