QUIZ: Are All Your Friends Investing to Drive Up Stock Prices Behind Your Back?

You might feel abandoned if suddenly your tight-knit group is obsessing over their investments that you’re just now finding out about. Maybe you’re thinking, “They bought stock in GameStop? When? I thought our whole bond was about feeling poor and pessimistic about our personal finances and not going on Reddit to exploit speculation in the stock market!” Take this quiz to find out if your friends are purposely conspiring without you to drive up stock prices:


What’s the vibe of the group text?

  1. It’s all market discussion on how retail investors can profit off of short-sellers.
  2. I don’t know what any of the words they’re using mean. All I see are rocket emojis. Could it be a NASA thing?


If you follow up for more info, are they explained themselves?

  1. My friend sent a lengthy text detailing how short squeezes can screw the short drive and hedge funds, cause the stock price to increase, and fuck with Wall Street, which sounds cool tbh!
  2. I feel like they’re deflecting by sending me a bunch of unrelated stores and brands. I’m sorry, but AMC? Blackberry? BlockBuster? I just want to know if everyone is “day trading” or whatever without me and what I did to make everyone hate me.


What do your friends do for work?

  1. Generally speaking, everyone has some typical office job doing advertising, consulting, HR, stuff like that.
  2. We’re kind of random and all over the place. I just know one time I asked Tasha so many questions about filing taxes that she ended up coming over and doing them for me.


You ask your friends if you can join in on this. What’s their response?

  1. Someone sent me a Reddit link and their promo code for RobinHood. Hm, ok!
  2. Can everyone stop yelling at me right now?!



If You Got Mostly…

1’s: They might just be looking out for themselves! You probably bought the lie that women are bad with money so you subconsciously ignored finances and now need to do the work of untethering your individual choices from this gender bias. Sounds like your caring, resourceful friends are ready to help you succeed!

2’s: You probably weren’t excluded. Not to be alarming, but it kind of sounds like you have no clue what’s going on at all, which is a fine way to cope but also it’s not fine! We recommend doing some research, changing your bank account password, calling your dad, stuff like that.