Prom Preparations 2019 Are Underway!


The most magical evening in a young woman’s life is coming up in three short weeks and five years! Prom preparations for 2019 are now underway!


To help students prepare, moms everywhere are training their middle school-aged daughters to walk in heels, so they’ll be ready for their own life-defining moment coming up in just 263 weeks. Girls are buying their own set of heels to practice stair-posing for their big night, coming up in a mere 1,915 days!


For any eighth grader who hasn’t gotten a prom dress yet: we’re sorry you don’t have a mother! Please at least call dibs on a color so we don’t have any repeats. And don’t say pink! Pink is reserved through the class of 2037. Check the Facebook group.



Look to your left and right in pre-algebra – these brace-faces are the bachelors who will be vying to be your date. Choose your date today and then work backward over the next five years to get him to ask you out. If your best friend Billy finds out tomorrow you like Tom and Will is on the lacrosse team with Jonathan and Danny hates the whole lot for sophomore year but then he moves next door to Max, Laurence might be able to convince Danny to rekindle his friendship with Tom after the DUI so it won’t be weird if you ask your oldest friend Billy.


“Money should be no object when it comes to prom,” one prom dress expert reminds girls. “Remember, it’ll cost three times extra if you want a starter on the baseball team.”


Most importantly, remember to lose your virginity on prom night. It’ll be tough, but you should practice abstinence until then. You’ll learn what those words mean soon enough. To get started on shopping for a sexy dress now, visit!