I was driving home from work the other day — a route I have taken countless times and know like the back of my hand — when something inexplicable occurred. A ray of soft light entered my vehicle. I felt a gentle breeze despite my windows being closed. Then, a warm and comfortable feeling spread through my finger tips. Suddenly, I knew exactly what was happening. Jesus, Son of God, had decidedly taken the wheel, which is honestly kind of fucked up because I was driving fine and didn’t need a man to help me.
I’m not trying to call anyone out, but this feels pretty condescending, especially considering I didn’t ask for this at all.
I have endured many struggles in my life, during which I’d have been glad to take a helping hand from Christ, such as when my parents divorced, or when I got my arm pinned under a boulder for 127 hours but no one cared because they already made a movie about it. However, this was different: Some random “savior” is just going to take the wheel like he’s my mom and I’m a teenager who doesn’t know you have to yield to oncoming traffic when you turn left on green?? That happened one time and Jesus saw and now He thinks I can’t drive for shit? That was 11 years ago. Jesus!
A lot of people would say I should be grateful for divine providence, regardless of circumstances, but I just don’t see it that way. If you’re going to insert yourself into my business like that, then at least help me parallel park or something.
Of course, when Jesus took the wheel it was a beautiful and transcendent moment. My soul left my body and was momentarily made one with the melodic rhythm of the universe. But still, I was using blinkers to change lanes even though there were barely any cars around! What about that screams “damsel in distress” to you?
Ultimately, I respect Jesus and his choices for the most part, but next time he goes to take the wheel without so much as a prayer inviting him to do so, he should consider whether or not it might be read as a micro aggression. Now, if Jesus would like to take the oven mitts and make me dinner, then that should even the score.
