How To Pretend You Haven’t Googled Him

Who isn’t guilty of a little online stalking before a first date? Learn everything there is to know about him – without letting him know you know – using three easy steps:


1. Have Exclamations Ready

Thirty minutes on Facebook and you’ll know everything about him, but it’s important that you act like you’re listening when you meet him in-person. Have a unique exclamation picked out for every reveal, like when he tells you that his cousin is actually Chris Pine from Star Trek. “Wow!”, “That’s amazing!” and “Oh, great!” all say, “I’m surprised and delighted by this new information. I haven’t already been texting my cousin Kristina about it all morning. We always say we would fuck Chris Pine.”


2. Frequently Delete Your Search History

Sometimes, a date leads to sex, which means he might come back to your apartment! Don’t let him check his email on your laptop before you’ve deleted every instance of having searched, “[His Name] rich”, “[His name] job” or “[His name] campaign donations”. Cover your tracks by deleting your history before every date. This is a good practice anyway. Your roommate might see something and say something.



3. Make It About You

Limit how much he can share about himself. If he never starts talking about his best friend Steve that he met at a Yankee Game, you won’t have to pretend that you don’t know about their running inside joke about Person of Interest and that Steve graduated from Chapel Hill in 2009 with a BA in Asian Studies. Talk about your interests and hobbies, or, if your interests and hobbies are limited to online stalking, make something up like skiing.


At the end of the day, less is more. The less you say about him, the less you give away.