Plant Care Tips You’ll Immediately Abandon After Anything At All Happens

Caring for houseplants can be incredibly rewarding, and not nearly as intimidating as you might think. In fact, the steps needed to keep your plants alive are simple and easy to remember, as long as you’re not currently experiencing any kind of feeling, event, or thought. Here are easy plant care tips that will help your plants thrive unless anything at all happens in your life.


Mist Most Plants Unless You’re a Little Sleepy

Spritzing your more tropical plants to keep up their humidity is one of the easier, and dare we say fun, tenets of plant care. You’ll probably do it for a few days, and then you’ll have a hard time sleeping on Wednesday night, which means you’ll need to take a nap on Thursday, which means you’ll get a measly 7.5 hours of sleep Thursday night, and you’re not going to have the energy to mist your plant on less than 8 hours. You can do it this weekend, or never.


Dust Your Plants If You’re In The Exact Right Mood To Do That

While you might not think of your houseplants as part of your regular cleaning routine, dusting or washing their leaves keeps them healthy and looking good. So if you ever find yourself not feeling a deep sense of life’s meaninglessness sparked by watching half an episode of The Bachelor, and simultaneously have the energy and stamina to individually wash the leaves of your plant with a warm cloth, then do that.


Feel The Soil Of Your Plants If You Don’t Have Anything Else Going On

How frequently you should water your plants can seem like a mystery, but here’s an easy #planthack: when you’re passing by your new plant baby, lightly feel its soil to gauge its water levels. That is, if you’re not booked for the entire day mentally preparing for a dinner with a more successful peer, or have literally any other plan.


Be Careful Not To Overwater If You Have Infinite Time To Think About That

It’s better to underwater than to overwater, which would be easy to remember if you weren’t spending your afternoon thinking about whether you should order Shake Shack on Postmates. On the one hand, you can’t afford to keep ordering in, and you feel morally conflicted about the gig economy. On the other hand, you deserve a treat because you went to work today. Regardless, your fiddle leaf fig is probably fine, right?



Keep Your Plants Warm Unless You’ve Ever Been Through Something

It’s also important to make sure your plants aren’t experiencing a draft, or unusually cold temperatures, which might cause their cells to freeze. But that damage probably doesn’t compare to that thing that happened with the tire swing when you were a child. What has that ficus ever done for you, anyway? Demand free emotional labor, that’s what.


See? Taking care of houseplants isn’t so hard for the one week when you’re really psyched about it. Next step: adopting a teen!