Life doesn’t always go as planned. However, for obnoxious New York, NY resident Gracie Roland, life is going just goddamn swimmingly as her career continues to grow at an infuriatingly linear rate.
After Gracie graduated from a “solid marketing program,” she returned to the company she interned with for two summers to start her “dream job,” where she worked her way up from associate to manager to, recently, director level. She even found the time to pick up certifications and accolades in her free time, too.
“With a little hard work, dedication, and vision, I was able to align my actions with my goals,” she shared. “And, I have to mention, I’ve been really fortunate to have always been compensated fairly and not encounter any layoffs due to the pandemic or economy.”
Oh, she’s humble too? Fucking Christ, give it a rest.
While many young professionals engage with their careers more fluidly because they recognize their changing interests, discover new intrinsic motivations, and exist in an unstable economy, the disturbingly successful Gracie kept her eyes on the prize without spiraling like the rest of us for even one second.
‘I wouldn’t say it all happened to me overnight, but it definitely feels that way,’ Gracie, who’s also barely out of college, confessed.
After thorough investigation to determine if she had any preexisting family, friends, or other personal connections to her industry that would allow us to chalk this one up to nepotism, the results unfortunately confirmed the annoying little shit did it all on her own.
When her peers were asked their thoughts on their friend’s success, they couldn’t have been prouder.
“Good for her! No, really!” seethed Gracie’s best friend from college through her painfully decaying teeth. “I’m so happy she can afford to see a dentist regularly, thanks to never losing her dental insurance after getting laid off like a healthy, normal person.”
At a time when the world feels divorced from the traditional hierarchies that once guaranteed predictable career trajectories, Gracie’s story offers a refreshingly irritating tale of climbing the corporate ladder starting from the bottom. So be patient, for you too can head straight to the top without any chill, standard obstacles like making a lateral career move or getting fired!
And who knows, maybe the corporate rockstar is secretly mentally ill! Fingers crossed!
