In exciting news out of New York City, the brains that brought you “36 Questions That Lead to Love” – a conversation-starting quiz to take with a potential lover – have decided that the first version was a bit too high stakes and not exactly “of this modern era.” Instead, the New York Times has announced a new quiz: “36 Questions That Lead to Something Maddeningly Casual.”
“The first 36 questions quiz was kind of like, intense, no?” the author Max Hannigan asked reporters. “‘Love’? Now that’s a big, scary word. ‘Casual’? That’s a word I like. Max likey! These questions help you find the type of situationship that will ruin your life even though you guys never technically defined anything.”
“While the ‘36 Questions That Lead to Love’ focus on things like your values, aspirations, and life’s story, my questions don’t really dredge up any of that boring shit,” Max continued. “They mainly ask how close you are to the other person’s house, whether you’d want to fuck, and if you believe in ghosts. All the important stuff.”
Reporters confirm that, like the original questions, the “36 Questions That Lead to Something Maddeningly Casual” are also broken into three “sets.” Instead of getting more and more intimate, however, the sets challenge players to put up more and more walls.
The early questions include things like, “What’re you up to tonight?” and, “Actually, what are you doing right now?” while later questions ebb into areas like, “Can you stop asking about my parents?” and “Don’t you understand that my attachment style is none of your fucking business?”
Reporters pointed out that these aren’t exactly conversation-provoking questions, to which Max responded, “Yeah exactly.”
The quiz encourages participants to share their first names but not their last, lest things get too intimate.
“These questions are specifically designed to make you feel codependent yet emotionally distant,” he continued. “Our goal is to create a dynamic where it’s basically like having all the responsibilities of being a romantic partner without any of the emotional intimacy benefits. Pretty sick, right?”
When she was informed that Max had created this list of questions to make two people fall into something maddeningly casual, Max’s ex-girlfriend (or rather, his “ex-lover”) Harriet Liu said, “Yeah, that makes complete sense. Glad that asshole is applying himself, considering he always said he was ‘busy with work’ when I asked him about date night.”
At press time, the New York Times had pulled the quiz from circulation. When asked why, one reporter said, with tears in his eyes, “Ask Janet. That hot-and-cold asshole.”
