In a heartening but also disheartening story out of Los Angeles, CA, 29-year-old Anna Hoffman says she loves supporting her local businesses, then subsequently ripping them to shreds on Yelp.
Anna says she extends her support to local businesses by going in, being very sweet to everyone working there, leaving a giant tip, and then going home and immediately posting the most vicious, scathing, store-closing Yelp review ever written.
“I’m not going to take it easy on them just because they’re local businesses,” Anna informed reporters. “In fact, I’m going to make it much harder.”
Sources said that in addition to being verbally-destructive, Anna makes sure to take eight to 10 of the most unflattering photos of the store and post them indiscriminately alongside the written review.
“I want to capture all the worst parts of the store so people who come in know what to expect,” Anna said. “Was the store largely nice? Sure. Did I Photoshop some spiders in for effect? Yeah. I want people to know what the store would be like if there were a bunch of spiders in there.”
Yes, girl! Outweigh the good you’re doing with weird and unnecessary evil!
“I used to think people who left Yelp reviews were just bored, but now I see that they’re a little wicked, too. Like me!” Anna said. “I want to see good things ruined, it’s in my nature. The small businesses in my area are objectively great establishments, but that doesn’t mean I still won’t try to bring them to their metaphorical knees.”
Anna continued, saying, “You know how you can’t have good without evil? Like, they’re two sides of the same coin and all that? Well, that’s how I try to live my life. The universe would be thrown out of equilibrium if I were a little too gracious.”
Not sure how that works, but okay, babe, do your thing!
Sources confirmed that the “bad” Anna was doing in this instance was way more influential than whatever “good” she thought she was doing by buying a croissant from the little bakery across the street. The croissant would’ve never kept them afloat, but the review saying their store “was the literal entrance to Hell” and “had dusty corners” most certainly has the power to sink them.
However, at the end of the day, in spite of all her proclamations, Anna has never written a single bad review of any Target she’s ever been in, calling it “the perfect shopping experience.”
She clarified, saying, “Writing bad reviews for large corporations is much less effective and therefore much less satisfying. It’s a power thing for me.”
