In a story highlighting the value of being over prepared, 28-year-old Alison Carney is packing for her four-hour beach trip like she’s an astronaut preparing for a multi-month expedition into space.
“Astronauts are prepared for all possibilities, and so am I,” said Alison, while packing sealed packages of freeze-dried food into her canvas day bag. “I also just love astronaut food. Did you know they have freeze-dried ice cream?”
Reporters agreed that it did sound like the perfect beach snack.
However, in spite of her over packing proclivities, Alison said she knows where to draw the line.
“Remember how they gave Sally Ride 100 tampons for a week-long trip? That is so laughable and I wouldn’t be caught dead making an error like that. I may be an over-packer, but I’m not clueless.”
On an unrelated note, Alison said she did, in fact, pack 100 tampons for her half-a-day excursion, but insists it’s different because she’s packing them for “experimental reasons,” saying, “I want to see how much of the ocean I can suck up.”
In addition to 100 tampons and freeze-dried astronaut food, Alison also packed 12 beach towels, enough water to last her to the moon and back, six different types of sun protectants, eight beach chairs for three people, and, inexplicably, a fully functional space suit.
“I figured it could work as a scuba suit,” she said, as a means of explanation. “Plus, it comes with a parachute, which could be good for parasailing if I hooked it up to my boat. Which, of course, I am also bringing.”
Alison also packed several pocket-sized photos of her loved ones “in case she doesn’t make it back.”
The loved ones in question found these sentiments startling, as she was just going to a beach 15 minutes away with a couple of her friends.
As of press time, Alison had finished packing, hitched her boat to her car, given each photo of her loved ones a little kiss, then left for the beach – where it promptly began to rain.
“Fuck! I didn’t pack an umbrella! It doesn’t rain in space!”
