Having a difficult time finding that New Years’ resolution that will show off your ambitious nature, but still make you seem totally sexy and fun? Practical year-end reflections always run the risk of being uptight, practical, and totally unfuckable. We’ve compiled some tried-and-true resolutions that will make you seem like a woman with totally fuckable goals:
Get Yoga Fit
Mastering yoga requires dedication, physical discipline, and being super bendy in Spandex. Listing it as your resolution will show that you’re willing to work hard, and that hard work happens to lead to a banging bod – with no gross muscles or dirty outdoor activities! Try to abstain from talking about the spiritual components of yoga, as it’ll be a total YAWN. Focus on the fuckability factor. Do you honestly think Kate Upton meditates?
Quit Smoking
Everyone knows it’s hard to quit smoking. But quitting smoking is the perfect resolution because it shows you “care about your health” without nixing alcohol, the eternal potion of carnal ecstasy. Best of all, no more gnarly smoker’s breath! Men will want to lap up that carcinogen-free bod of yours.
Learn French
Learning a second language is one of the best things you can do for your brain, so learning the language of ménage a trois is one of the best things you can do to sophisticate your 100% fuckable self! Avoid learning languages with guttural sounds such as German or Dutch, because what are you, a fat pretzel lady?
Travel More!
Whether it’s saving up for a road trip or planning a hop across the pond, vaguely resolving to travel more is a great way to communicate, “I’m hunting for strange dick.” You’ll show your thirst for worldliness and culture without scaring people off with deep cultural knowledge or political allegiances. Down to travel? Down to fuck!
Learn How To Cook
The ability to cook complex, nuanced meals is a lost art. Resolving to cook is a wonderful way to show you’re a maturing adult, without delving into the boring, unsexy territories of finance or time management. Plus, it’s great for fucking!
This New Year’s Eve, show that guy you’ll never see again how serious you are – seriously fuckable!
