I spent two years with an incredible man who understood me deeply. When he decided to end our relationship, I felt betrayed. Not because he broke up with me – but because he tricked me into thinking I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. And after a few months of single life, I now realize I definitely don’t!
When I was dating Henry, he and I would spend most nights together, cooking dinner and talking about our days. Whenever I’d had a hard time at work, he would rub my back and reassure me that everything was going to be all right. I always appreciated him listening to me and doing whatever he could to make my day better. What the hell was wrong with him? Doesn’t he know that the rest of the world is cruel and unfeeling and that’s exactly what I deserve?
Recently, I decided to stop wallowing and got drinks with a guy named Troy who told me he didn’t remember my name but still thinks I’d look good naked and would be “into doing it”. Damn it, Henry, why did you have to ruin my life by being such an amazing companion? Now I realize I’m meant to be with someone like Troy, who objectifies me and also doesn’t know or care that the clitoris exists.
Sometimes I miss my ex, but then I remind myself that he tricked me into thinking I deserve unconditional love and joy and basic human decency, and he was so wrong! I can never forgive him for the lies he fed me. For example, it mattered to him if I came during sex when clearly that does not matter at all! How dare he love me so well, when I am actually just a garbage hole for the Troys of the world to poke around in until they get tired and fall asleep inside of me!
I’m not going to take “yes” for an answer anymore!
When I think about Henry now, it haunts me. As I try to fall asleep in Troy’s crumb-filled bed, I worry – ,is my ex out there treating other women as well as he treated me? Me, who is essentially a criminal on the loose? Does he understand that he’s making women think the world is full of sunshine when it’s really a bleak and unending nightmare?
Someday I’ll be lucky enough to marry a man who doesn’t make me laugh, has never done laundry and cheats on me. Until that day comes, I won’t be able to forgive my ex, Henry, for giving me the best two years of my life. Fuck you, Henry.
