My Boyfriend Won’t Date Me – Should I be Concerned?

My boyfriend recently told me that we aren’t actually dating and to leave him alone. I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or are these some real red flags that he’s just not that into me.


Unfortunately, too many men have lied to me and really betrayed my trust. It has left me feeling a little paranoid that that look of surprise in his eyes when he wakes up to see me standing over his bed is maybe not a happy one.


My best friend Katie says that I’m beautiful and a great catch with a lot to offer and that I shouldn’t sell myself short, but my boyfriend’s wife keeps telling me that I’m a delusional psychopath who’s “really pushing it.” Who do I trust on this?


He tells me that he’s “scared of me,” and I let him know that I’m scared, too. Love can be scary. But sometimes I’m afraid that his fear of commitment might make him want to run. Should I trust him and know that what will be will be, or is it time to throw him in the trunk of my car? No one ever said love was easy.



I refuse to be the woman who sits staring at the phone waiting for a man to call when I could be out living my life—seeing a movie, trying new cuisines, testing which adult diapers work best for when I drive him across the country to Florida where I have a shack all set up. All that said, it just makes me so happy every time I hear from him or his lawyers. I really feel like he might be the one for me.


And of course I understand that he’s young and afraid of being tied down. I know this because he once admitted, “No, please. Please, don’t. Please don’t tie me up. I have a wife and kids. Why can’t I move my arms? Oh, God! What have you done to me? I can’t feel my arms!”


I don’t want to pressure him into anything, but Katie was right: my needs matter, too. I just hope he has the courage to be honest with me someday.