When I tell my friends my boyfriend’s 5’5”, they feel bad for me. They worry he’s got a small dick, or that he’s not “masculine” enough – whatever that means! But I know better, because my bae is so, so much more than his diminutive height. Don’t worry, ladies: my boyfriend may be short, but he’s also loud.
What my boyfriend lacks in height, he makes up for in volume and opinions and also anger. When we go to parties, people might wonder, “What’s she doing with that short guy?” But when he opens his mouth to speak, they think, “Oh, he must be an incredible talent, because his personality is also bad.” Then when they hear him play guitar, they think, “That can’t be it.” Eventually, it becomes clear: Whether he’s yelling about music or wine or the age of consent, it’s obvious that my boyfriend isn’t just a short man: he’s a short man who yells.
My lil’ guy contains multitudes. He can’t reach the top shelf of our pantry, but he’s always watching basketball. His feet are only size eight, but his self-released album is eight hours long. He hates reading, but he hates forming his own opinions more! Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to lean waaaay down and kiss him.
Plus, there are plenty of perks to my bae being short. He makes a great little spoon. I get to wear comfortable flats all the time, even though he constantly reminds me that he wishes I were more glamorous. And when we take selfies I don’t have to hunch down, because they’re just of his face and my chest, for him to post on his friends-only Instagram.
All in all, my boyfriend surprises me every day with how tiny he remains and how loud he can get. Though some might view him as just a short guy, the space he takes up in a room reminds us he’s short and insufferable.
He also has one hundred million dollars!!!