I thought that things were going really well between us. We’d been talking about moving in together, getting a cat, maybe even heading out west for a fresh start. Then, just like that, it was all over.
My best friend told me she just wanted to be friends.
“Look, I think you’re a really great girl,” she told me. She must have seen the dread on my face because she paused a moment and patted my hand. There were tears in her eyes. “I just feel like maybe we’re growing apart…”
“Friends” was what she proposed. Just friends. It was total bullshit and I said as much. No one ever stays just friends.
I’d been in this position before and she knew it. I’d confided in her countless times, told her of all the other women and gay men who had left me. She’d assured me that I would never have to worry about that with her. She wasn’t going anywhere.
As I watched her leave the restaurant, I ordered another glass of wine and ransacked my memory for any signs I missed. Was the talk about moving in together too much? We’d only officially been best friends for about six months since the night I’d confessed that she was my best friend, but really it had been over a year since we’d initiated weekly hot chocolate outings and those feelings had started bubbling up. She had just been laid off and I had a room opening up! It made sense! Why did she push me away?
Was I too clingy? Too possessive? Did she secretly begrudge me for the time I’d thrown up in her bed? She was the one who made me do all those birthday shots and then took me home when I started crying, telling her how much I loved her!
In any event, she ended things three months ago and I’ve yet to find any answers. The only conclusion I can come to is that she’s a fucking asshole who is not capable of real friendship. She was a waste of time for me. I’m better off without her. Pathetic as it is, I have to tell myself this almost everyday.
I see her around sometimes. We’re fake-nice to each other. Is there any other way to be to someone who no longer invites you on vacay with her fam? Now we hug stiffly, ask no personal questions, and move along as fast as possible. If you saw us interact now you wouldn’t believe that we’d once fallen asleep on the couch together watching Anaconda, a perfectly normal occurrence when we were besties.
I hear she’s got a new best friend, some lame chick that is way younger than her. I’m pretty sure she was emotionally cheating on me with her, but whatever. They deserve each other. As for me, it isn’t easy, but I’m putting myself out there again, getting brunch with people, going to yoga, mingling more at work events. I haven’t given up. It may take time, but the next best friend I make will be the one, I know it.
In the meantime, I gotta keep blowing off this Leslie chick I used to hang out with. She’s like, obsessed with me or something.