In a developing story coming out of your living room, the romantic comedy you are currently watching is setting unrealistic expectations for how big your apartment will be at age 30.
Sources confirm you turned on the film expecting to escape from your own troubles for a moment but were immediately faced with a thriving 30-year-old who owned a spacious two-bedroom in Manhattan, an unrealistic and harmful standard for thirtysomethings everywhere.
The protagonist’s apartment has not one but two separate fridges and barely any holes in the wall. According to sources on the scene, you turned to your partner and recommended someone change the film’s name to “La La Land.”
Sure, you once assumed you would have that large of an apartment by the time you hit your thirties, but that was before you found Zillow and let those dreams rightfully die. Now it seems media like this is back to put harmful ideas—the expectation of having a dishwasher—in your head.
While watching the protagonist run from one room to the next as she gets ready for work, you were reminded of the time you toured an apartment in Hell’s Kitchen that tried to charge you extra for “in-unit doors.”
Just when you thought the apartment couldn’t get any bigger, the unimaginable happened: She went upstairs.
“There are stairs in this penthouse?” you inquired through tears. “But she works in fashion!”
Despite having the largest apartment known to man, the protagonist still appears unfulfilled personally and professionally, which also took you by surprise.
“And she’s still sad!” you screamed at the TV, “But….that apartment! You’re saying she has a huge apartment and still doesn’t have a balanced internal self?”
Your partner later found you on the floor in the corner of your closet, hysterically crying at the thought of how much work you’d need to do to afford the protagonist’s apartment—which you nicknamed “The Tower of Babel”—in two short years.
Sources confirm you’re planning to watch a less stressful movie next time, like Silence of the Lambs or perhaps The Shining.
