In the wake of the HBO Max Gossip Girl reboot, Brooklyn resident Samantha Lidell recounted when, back in her day, Gossip Girl was simply a show about horrible, wealthy teens fucking each other.
“It was perfect,” Samantha said, loading up an old photo of Dan Humphrey, “There was absolutely no nuance and all the characters were purely toxic. I mean, they were the worst.”
Several other millennials have come forward to admit their disappointment with the reboot of the early 2000s hit series.
“The new show is more diverse and less predictable, which is good, I guess,” said Natalie, 29, another fan of the show, “But I do miss when it was just about spoiled, white kids engaging in group-cest without ever thinking of anyone outside of their friends because their position in Manhattan’s elite protected them from real-life consequences.”
Samantha added that what made the original CW show so great was that the beef between characters was based on really dumb things and would drag on for weeks until the viewer forgot what it was even about.
“When Blair and Serena liked the same guy, they psychologically destroyed each other for a whole season,” said Samantha. “But on this new show, the two main half-sisters are totally cool with a guy liking both of them. If I wanted to watch people be mature and healthy, I would’ve just stayed on therapy TikTok.”
Natalie agreed, adding that watching a tapestry of increasingly dramatic, nonsensical plotlines that even went into the supernatural realm was one of the best parts of Gossip Girl.
“What happened to when the characters would stab each other in the back and plot revenge using their amassed wealth and privilege, never do homework, then all go to Columbia by the end of the show?” wrote Natalie in a heated blog post, “What happened to emotionally abusive love triangles? Now we have to watch a story about a group of flawed friends supporting each other? I miss good TV.”
The fiercest criticism was still regarding the reveal of Gossip Girl to be the teaching staff of the private prep school.
“You’re gonna give Gossip Girl a motive that makes somewhat sense? You’re gonna write in a rich, white socially-conscious dude who cares about underprivileged children?” ranted Samantha, getting furious, “Gossip Girl is supposed to be about elitist people we can all openly hate for being objectively worse than us. It’s supposed to be about sheltered teens harassing each other while delivering cheesy one-liners and wearing Louboutins. It’s supposed to be soft-core porn. It’s supposed to have a maid named Dorota!”
When asked, 100% of the critics, including Samantha and Natalie, said they would definitely continue watching the show.
