Man Who’s Afraid of Commitment Also Has No One Willing to Commit to Him

After nearly a decade of with no offers to commit to him in any way, 28-year-old Brent Carter announced that he’s “just not ready to make a commitment to one woman.”


“Just the idea of permanently linking myself to another human being is overwhelming and I don’t want to do it,” said Carter, who was unceremoniously dumped by the last three women he dated.


The public has been mostly indifferent to Carter’s brave announcement. When asked about the statement, neighbor Josh Johnson said: “It’s amazing he’s able to fear something that’s impossible for him to even achieve.”


“Women always want a huge gesture of commitment, and I’m not that kind of guy,” said Carter in a Facebook message that he composed alone in his studio apartment where he spends most of his time. “I’m still a young guy, and I don’t wanna be with the type of girl that’s just trying to trap me!”



Public records show that Carter has been single for nearly seven years, with only casual dates and hookups that all mysteriously went sour after a few interactions with Carter. We asked one of those women, Kara Bradley, if she ever was ever considered a serious relationship with Brent Carter, to which she responded, “Who?”


“I’m starting to let women know on first dates that I’m not looking for anything serious,” explained Carter. “They’ll say, ‘That’s fine,’ but I can tell by their eyes that they’re devastated.’ I didn’t hear from this one girl for weeks because she was so freaked out about it, so I finally had to text her and say it was over. I just can’t risk being locked down.”


Although this is an ongoing story, reporters do not anticipate anything unfolding for a very long time.