In an contradictory story out of a bar in Manhattan, NY, the guy you’re on a first date with says he firmly believes the patriarchy isn’t “a thing” anymore, while simultaneously claiming that he finds your sigh “passive aggressive” and your resting face “bitchy.”
“Nah, the patriarchy definitely doesn’t exist in 2024,” 31-year-old Noah Richardson told reporters. “Actually, I think women have more rights and are treated better in society than men.”
Noah then went on to make a completely unrelated comment about how you, his date, could really stand to smile more because your resting face is “giving a super bitchy vibe.”
When reporters pointed out that his comment suggested that he thought you existed solely for his pleasure, he completely tuned them and just plowed ahead.
“And don’t even get me started on the way she sighs,” he said. “It definitely has something to do with me, even though people sigh for a million different reasons, like if they’re tired or stressed or something. I’m definitely not going to ask her about any of those things, though, because I don’t really view her as a full person. It just gives off a very bitchy, passive aggressive vibe.”
When reporters questioned his continued use of the term “bitchy” and its implications, Noah stopped them and claimed he was using it “in the nice way.”
“You know how girls call each other ‘bitch’ as a term of endearment? I’m using it that way,” he explained. “She looks like a bitch when she doesn’t smile.”
Reporters didn’t really see how that was using it as a term of endearment, and suggested that he shouldn’t be attempting to do that with a woman he’d literally just met.
After explaining to reporters how he didn’t see how being annoyed when a woman doesn’t cater her mere existence to please him was the patriarchy at work, Noah continued to dig himself into a deeper hole.
“I just think it’s funny when women suggest the patriarchy is still a thing,” he said. “They’re the ones who get free drinks and free meals from men. They’re the ones who get proposed to. They’re the ones who get flowers. I mean, the least they could do is smile, look nice, and not sigh so much. Oh, and obviously have sex with me.”
Reporters refrained from explaining how everything he just described as a “benefit” women receive from men is really a transaction from which men expect to get something. They didn’t have any hope that he would understand.
As of press time, reporters had finally gotten you alone to get your side of things and see if the date was really as transactional as Noah made it seem.
“No, it wasn’t transactional at all,” you said. “Because he ‘forgot’ his wallet and I paid for everything.”
