Man Explains Woman’s Mental Illness to Her

Reports show that 26-year-old graphic designer, Matt Blarch, spent most of a party last weekend explaining Kara Livingston’s mental illness to her.


“He overheard me telling a friend I was experiencing a lot of anxiety being in between jobs,” said Kara. “I think he took that as the perfect moment to explain what generalized anxiety disorder is to me. It’s like, I know, I have it. But thanks, Matt.”


Partygoers report that Matt joined the conversation enthusiastically.


“You know, anxiety has been around since, like, the beginning of time,” he said, standing aggressively close to Kara. “The ‘fight or flight’ response was actually really helpful when like, bears were chasing cavemen and stuff. But now we feel those same survival instincts even when there is no bear. Basically, you’ve evolved this way.”


Sources confirm Matt’s explanation did not end there.


“He talked at us for the next ten minutes about anxiety,” said Rachel Daniels, a friend of Kara’s. “I think he heard Kara mention a topic he considers himself to be an expert in and felt the need to jump in.”


Matt explained that he “doesn’t have anxiety in the medical sense” but he has “read a lot about it.”


“You know, it’s really normal to be anxious,” Blarch went on. “Marc Maron — do you listen to Marc Maron? He has a lot to say about anxiety. You should check that out. Actually, I’ll just tell you what he says about it.”


“I just let him talk,” said Kara. “It’s too exhausting to say anything. I just let him do his thing.”


“Lots of people think a beer or something will make anxiety better, but here’s the thing: alcohol can make anxiety worse,” he said, still going strong despite absolutely no encouragement.



“I ended up walking away from him,” said Kara. “That was, ultimately, the best thing I did for my anxiety that day.”