Not everyone can say they finish everything they start, but Philadelphia resident Mario Marquez absolutely did: After being broken up with exactly one time, Mario made a lifelong commitment to unconscious hatred of women – and he’s been doing it ever since!
While Marquez has never publicly announced when his vow of insecure, misogynistic comments and behaviors first began, sources close to Marquez who used the smallest amount of critical awareness shared that it began after his girlfriend maturely broke up with him after his senior year of high school.
Despite the breakup being 10 years ago, Marquez has been this hateful little sexist ever since.
“He was always late to our dates because he was doing something with his boys until he ended up ghosting me for three months before returning out of nowhere,” shared his one and only ex. “Now it makes sense why he’s so cocky for someone who has never made a woman cum.”
If only he had processed his emotions after such a life-shattering rejection, then there might be one less man out in the world calling high-achieving women nasty and unhinged, supporting politicians who create sanctioned gender-based violence, or skipping foreplay.
“Women are just crazy, dude,” Marquez stated about a gender that has had to strategically and patiently fight for equal rights for centuries. “All these basic pumpkin spice sluts do is put Venmo handles in their bio and post thirst traps on OnlyFans.”
At press time, Marquez was found confusing female reporters for secretaries and janitorial staff. When asked if he had considered the idea of therapy, Mario simply called everyone in the room a “stupid, fat bitch.”