Woman in Desperate Need of Affirmation Just Reading Positive Reviews for Juicer She Already Has

In a true show of innovation, Adriana Rizzotti is now meeting her desperate need for affirmation by reading positive reviews of a juicer she already owns.


“I’m not really sure how I got here,” says Rizzotti as she scrolls through the page of customer feedback that she filtered to show only 5-star reviews. “I think I just needed to be reminded that I made a good choice at one point in history.”


“Oh, my God, this review says it’s life changing,” Rizzotti adds. “And I’ve hardly used it since I got it, so that means it could still change my life.”


Rizzotti reports that when she began feeling low this morning, she considered texting her partner to demand love and praise, but then decided against it.


“I realized, Adriana, you need to self-soothe,” she says. “But, like, in a way that still hinges on external validation.”


And so she has, taking in each effusive appraisal as a deep and personal compliment.


“This review says this is hands down the best juicer on the market in this price range,” Rizzotti says. “I must have been really smart to buy this.”


It is, however, difficult to determine the exact efficacy of Rizzotti’s approach, as her own emotions vary widely throughout the process.


“Wow, 97% of buyers would recommend this juicer to a friend,” says Rizzotti. “I wonder what percentage of my friends would recommend being friends with me to a friend. Should I make an Instagram poll?”


Thankfully before such a poll could be executed, Rizzotti was lost once more in the glowing words of strangers praising a product that she owns.



“This really was a good purchase,” Rizzotti says. “I almost feel as excited as when I first ordered it. I might even make some juice right now.”


“But you know on second thought, I don’t want to risk all of these good feelings on what could end up being a bad juice,” she adds. “I guess I’ll just order from my favorite Thai place instead. Ooh, and I can read reviews while I wait for it to come!”