Makeup Tips For Women Who Are Actually Gusts Of Wind

Do you ever wonder how some women look fierce while you, just a wisp of woman, are nearly invisible to the average party attendee? Do you feel like the most influence you have is on the direction of a plastic bag in your back alley? It’s hard to feel sexy when you’re constantly reminding “the girls” that you’re a human woman, while clinging tightly to the picnic table so you don’t float away with the leaves! Luckily for you, we’ve got some hot-to-trot makeup tips that will highlight all your sexy bits, from the way your eyebrows arch to the way you’re totally not just a passing breeze!


1. Remind Others You Exist By Incorporating Fake Eyelashes
Hit up your nearest Sephora and snatch yourself these essential fashion lashes, eyelash glue, and enjoy the physical proof that you have eyes! Carefully apply the glue to your upper lids before administering the lashes, and voilà, you’ll forget your center of gravity is the size of a puffed Cheez-it!


2. Use Dark Red Lipstick To Simulate Human Lips
Go for the film-noir look by applying some bold, red lipstick that shows you are an adult woman and not merely a moving sliver of essence! This classic look will exude confidence and sex appeal, hopefully preventing the doorman from carding you again, because your ID is always falling out the bottom of your windy tunic  Embarrassing!



3. Create The Illusion Of Facial Bones With Shimmer Bronzer
Emphasize your delusions of cheekbones with your favorite shade of bronzer! Apply generous amounts of shine to the tops of your cheeks, and forget all the times you were bullied for having neither hands, cheeks, nor body!


4. Pencil Your Eyebrows Into Fierce Actuality
Any fine-tipped eyebrow pencil should do the trick, steady your hands to create symmetrical eyebrows that exude the vibes of a woman who has experienced and transcended both body-shaming and the hassling reality of inhabiting a physical body!


With these handy tricks in tow, you’re guaranteed to be the most gorgeous and substantial concept of a woman in your friend group!