Literally Every Song is Hilary’s Jam

After a typical night out last Thursday, friends of Hilary were frustrated to discover that “literally every song” was Hilary’s Jam, ruining morale for the group at-large.


“Hilary is, like, such a great girl. Super sweet, super fun,” says Ashley, a key witness and friend of Hilary, “She just got a bit carried away.”


According to Ashley and other eyewitnesses, Hilary’s proclamations began when the DJ, a regular at the club, played “Summer” by Calvin Harris, causing Hilary to begin screaming, ‘This is my jam!” dragging her friends to the floor, insisting they dance with her.



As the night continued, it became clear that every song would be a dance song for Hilary, as every song was purportedly her jam. A number of witnesses identified the following songs as “Hilary’s jam:”


Anaconda – Nicki Minaj
Shower – Becky G
I Love It – Icona Pop
Problem – Ariana Grande
Fancy – Iggy Azalea
Monster – Kanye West
Talk Dirty To Me – Jason Derulo
BO$$ – Fifth Harmony
We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus
Ain’t It Fun – Paramore
Bye Bye Bye – *NSync


At one point in the night, the DJ reports noticing Hilary’s friends’ distress at having to dance for every song played that evening. To try to derail Hilary’s nonstop dance party, the DJ put on a Sufjan Stevens song. Unfortunately he was unaware that Hilary originally hailed from Chicago, and the entirety of the Illinoise album is “her jam” despite being twenty-two individual songs.


Hilary remains in the club and has now declared her generic iPhone ringtone “her jam.”