In an emotionally taxing story from Brooklyn, NY, the screenwriter you’re on a first date with has just asked, “Is that something?” after recounting his childhood trauma word-for-word.
“I’m just writing this new pilot and trying to give it stakes,” he continued, after spending the first hour of your encounter talking in excruciating detail about his parents’ divorce.
Sources confirm it was a pretty run-of-the-mill, straight forward divorce and probably would not make for much dramatic tension. Still, he’s determined that it “is really something,” even though it is really not.
“My writing is just super honest and personal and raw,” he continued, referencing his last script, which followed a young boy who did not win a middle school student council election. “And I think this is the kind of story that really needs to be told right now.”
According to reporters, he does not recognize that this story has been told countless times in other films like Adult Children of Divorce, Kramer vs. Kramer, and arguably, Cheaper by the Dozen 2.
At this point in time, sources confirm you have not spoken in 30 minutes.
Dr. Maya Devin, lead researcher at the American Film Institute weighed in on this emerging phenomenon.
“With the recent profusion of great, semi-autobiographical content that unpacks experiences of oppression, we’re seeing a concurrent rise in dumb scripts that literally just follow some dude’s childhood minute by minute.”
“But,” she added, “if you view it as satire, it’s honestly super funny to watch.”
Meanwhile, the man you’re on a date with is refusing to take a hint and is instead describing his script’s “main character”—which is unambiguously him—even though you literally did not ask.
“Yeah, he’s like this young, really talented guy who’s having a hard time reckoning with the end of his parents’ love,” he began, which maybe had some redeeming qualities to it. “So then he lashes out at everyone around him. But it makes total sense because he’s having a hard time.”
After walking you through the narrative, which did not diverge from his real life at all, he then leaned back in his chair, sighed a deep sigh, and went, “Compelling, right? Like, it’s really something!”
Sources confirm you did not have the energy to disagree and instead said, “Sure, yeah.”