27-year-old Seattle, WA resident Celia Morrison has recently made waves in the online dog-owning community with her vehement refusal to clean up her dog’s messy social media presence.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Celia said. “So my dog’s a little abrasive on social media! It’s not like that’s doing any real harm. I also don’t clean up her shit.”
Sources confirmed that Celia’s dog’s Instagram account, Baby Alanis The Italian Greyhound, has been flagged for cyberbullying, harassment, spam, inappropriate imagery, intellectual property violations, and just a general mean-spirited vibe.
“I named her after Alanis Morissette,” Celia explained to reporters who had no idea where she was going with this. “What people don’t understand is that airing your grievances publicly is an art, like how Alanis Morissette called out Dave Coulier for being a gross loser in ‘You Oughta Know.’ My dog’s Instagram account is pretty much if Jagged Little Pill were adapted into a visual media.”
Sources were quick to point out that Alanis Morissette writing one of the best-selling albums of all time was markedly different from Celia’s dog trying to muscle other Italian Greyhounds off Instagram by bombarding their accounts with comments like “lmao photoshop much?” and “hilarious that ur posting in a raincoat and rain boots when i literally posted in a raincoat and rain boots two months ago…”
Puddle The Italian Greyhound, Teardrop The Italian Greyhound, and Butternut The Italian Greyhound were just a few of the accounts that reached out to Celia to politely ask that she cease engaging in such hurtful behavior. In response, Celia only doubled down – adding “Alanis Morrissette reincarnated” to her dog’s bio, posting rants about “these other fake bitches” on her dog’s Instagram story, and even going so far as to dox several internet-famous Italian Greyhounds, forcing them to temporarily deactivate.
Representatives for Alanis Morissette released a statement confirming that the singer is very much alive, and requested that Celia stop mentioning her in association with her dog’s vile social media presence. Baby Alanis The Italian Greyhound quickly retaliated by posting an endless string of violent tirades in the comment sections of Alanis Morissette’s Instagram posts as well as posting long-winded, searing criticisms of the singer’s later work on the dog’s Substack.
As of press time, Alanis Morissette had issued a restraining order against Baby Alanis The Italian Greyhound, a screenshot of which was promptly posted to the two-year-old dog’s Instagram story with the comment, “so sad when ppl show u their true colors…”
