Pamela Schlesinger has found an amazing alternative to psychotherapy: Instead of spending hundreds of dollars on a therapist and taking a full hour out of her week to process her emotions, she just unloads everything onto the third graders she teaches every morning.
Talk about a money-saving life hack!
Though she has never been properly diagnosed, Pamela knows she likely suffers from some kind of anxiety disorder, as well as some unprocessed trauma from her childhood. Luckily, she’s smart enough not to waste hours and hours talking it over with a therapist, when she can instead burst into her classroom full of children with declarations like, “You kids have no idea what you’re in for!” followed by several detailed explanations of her toxic relationship patterns.
During a recent class discussion about the arrival of the Mayflower, Pamela was able to segue the conversation directly toward her inability to find meaningful love with a man.
“I mean, these pilgrims just up and left their whole lives, and I can hardly last past the second date. I can’t tell if these guys just aren’t right for me, or if I have some kind of emotional disconnect. What do you guys think?”
“I think Miss Schlesinger should see a professional,” says her student, Amani Richards. “It probably has something to do with the way her parents handled their divorce, but honestly I’m really not qualified to say.”
Asked whether she’ll ever consider talk therapy or some kind of medication for her intrusive thoughts, Pamela is skeptical.
“I don’t really want someone labeling me or telling me I’m bad. I feel terrible enough as it is! Plus, my kids are such great listeners – like last week one of them left me a number for a therapist. I’m definitely not gonna go, but it was a really nice gesture.”