Twitter is my favorite social media platform, because it allows me to speak my mind and say whatever I want. But now my mom is hounding me because future employers could look at my Twitter and think I’m “out of line” and “inappropriate”?? Well, guess what, Mom? Fuck those guys! Here are bunch of stupid and awful things I plan to tweet because I don’t give a shit what they think!
“Drunk Drunk Drunk memememememmeeeeeeeeeeee! And I’m only 20 years old! Fuck drinking laws!”
According to my annoying mom, future employers don’t want to see that I’m irresponsible or that I do illegal things. Sure, I could just make my account private, like a rational person. But what about my devoted followers who want to retweet me? People love my drunk tweets and I’m not sacrificing my twitter stats for a dumb job!
“LinkedIn is for boring old people to meet other more boring old people and if you’re on it you’re a sucker!”
Good luck finding me on LinkedIn, future employers! I’ll never be on that site, and I’m gonna shame everyone who is! If you need me, you can find me on Twitter, and you’ll probably hate what I have to say. But I don’t caaaaare!
“4/20 is the best day of the year because for once I’m not the only person high in every single one of my classes, or at work.”
That’s right, future employer who found my Twitter account, I go to class and work high. All the time! And you if have a problem with that, then I don’t wanna work for you anyway! Look at me go, Mom, I just don’t give a fuck!
“I hope I literally never have a real job because I don’t wanna waste my time doing boring shit when I could watch Duck Dynasty.”
My mom says that when I graduate college I need a “real job” and should “think about my future.” Why would I do that when there’s good reality TV to binge? Guess what Mom? This is MY life and it’s mine to ruin!
“My mom says I ‘lack ambition’ but she lacks chill so byeeeeee bitch!”
My mom is boring and uptight and I don’t care what she says. I’m gonna do whatever I want for as long as I want, no matter the consequences! I don’t care if my brash social media presence looks bad to old people in suits. I tweet what I want!!!!!!
“I killed someone last night”
And I’m not sorry!!!!
Take that, Mom! I’m edgy, that’s my brand! I have 361 followers who rely on my impulsive and crude internet persona. I’m not gonna let them down because I’m scared of what future employers may think. But I may need to ask you for money real soon so love u Mom!!
