In These Uncertain Times, Does Mark Even Like You?

Now more than ever, we live in unprecedented times. Every day of the Covid-19 crisis brings new tragedies, new promises, and no clear end in sight. There’s so much uncertainty in the world. And Mark is adding to it.


Every morning, you wake up to haunting New York Times push alerts, chain recipe emails, and 0 new messages from Mark. Now, more than ever, it would be really nice of Mark to send you a “good morning :)” text or even a meme or two. But, no, all you get is a single “hey” every other Wednesday.


This is a time when we need to come together as a community, but you wouldn’t guess that from Mark’s recent behavior. In these difficult times, it would be really nice if he could let you know whether or not he likes you. Or did those four dates you two went on in The Before Time mean nothing?


Many of us are struggling to figure out a routine when business-as-usual has been so thoroughly disrupted. We wake up and wonder whether it’s a good sign that Mark keeps saying “you’re really chill” when asked to clarify his feelings. We try to eat three healthy meals, and idly wonder if Mark likes pesto. We go on long pointless walks and think about the last time you saw Mark. When he patted you on the shoulder and said: “This was fun?” Or did you imagine the question mark? Analyzing that three-word sentence takes up 35% of your quarantine routine.



Now, you’d give everything you own for a weirdly fraternal shoulder pat.


A lot of people are using their self-isolation to reevaluate what is most important to them. Maybe Mark is doing that too, and you didn’t make the cut. Well you’ve also put a lot of thought into what’s important to you, and it’s constant male attention, the promise of an extended makeout in the distant future, and Mark telling you he likes you. Your move, Mark.


It’s easy to be too hard on ourselves right now, to pressure ourselves to be productive and giving during a global pandemic. Mark shouldn’t be too hard on himself either. He definitely should do whatever he thinks is best for him, but what the fuck? Throw a girl a bone during quarantine. Shit.