Highlighting the importance of holding space for duality in this life, 25-year-old Nellie Foster just told her date that she’s “pretty spontaneous,” even though she has worn the same jewelry every single day for the past decade.
“If there’s one thing you should know about me right off the bat, it’s that I love to indulge my whims,” Nellie told Gregory Figueroa, a man she met on Hinge two days ago who simply could not know that she’s lying her ass off. “I’m all about doing the unexpected, going where the wind takes me, you get it.”
Sources confirm Nellie has worn the same necklace – a simple silver chain with a single pearl pendant that she got for her Bat Mitzvah – for the past 11 straight years of her life. Upon receiving it, she audibly said, “Ew, gross,” then put it on and has yet to take it off once. In fact, she would honestly not know how if she wanted to.
“Wow, it’s great to know that you’re always up for adventure,” Gregory replied, unaware that Nellie is absolutely not up for adventure at any time. “Playing it safe is overrated, as I always say.”
Reporters confirm Gregory has never said that before right now, so it seems the two are mutually lying their asses off for sport.
“Nellie described herself as spontaneous?” Nellie’s roommate and longtime best friend, Ty Rainie, said upon hearing news of the date. “I’m pretty sure she’s still wearing the earrings we got when we pierced our ears at Claire’s in 2008. And they’re not great quality or anything – they’re plastic starter earrings. That’s the girl who said she ‘lives for the unknown’?”
It seems Nellie has a habit of lying through her teeth about her personality, as every man she’s been on a date with for the past year confirms she also told them she’s “impulsive, passionate, and reckless,” even though she’s largely passionless all around.
“I guess the ‘spontaneous’ stuff was a little aspirational,” Nellie told reporters from the restaurant’s bathroom, where she was panicking. “Do you think he knows I’ve worn the same rings on the same fingers every day since college?”
As of press time, Nellie and Gregory had parted ways after their date, sharing a quick kiss and agreeing they would “absolutely” text about seeing each other again soon. Sources close to both parties are 100% sure that is not going to happen.
