I find myself to be pretty open when it comes to trying new things in the bedroom, especially when it’s with someone I really like. If it’s an atypical kink that gets you going or just something different for us to spice things up, I’m usually on board. But when it comes to role play, I have one requirement: I need you to be Ty Pennington, host of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
I’ve tried playing doctor and nurse, teacher and student, Regis and Kelly, but none of them really feel good for me. I guess I’m just a simple girl who knows what she wants, and it involves one man and one megaphone and if you don’t like it, you can leave.
Speaking of that: This isn’t something you can half-ass, so don’t even try. I’ve come across partners who thought their spiky haircut would cover the bases, but that’s only the tip of the sweet Pennington iceberg. I want to touch the conch necklace around your neck, taste the sawdust on your skin, and know that you have Disney World on speed dial. Transport me to the world of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and I’ll transport you to a world of incredible pleasure.
I’m usually not one to experiment in the bedroom, but if you text me throughout the day with little hints as to what’s coming, like “my hat is so hard right now,” I might arch my back and come on-command. Snapchat me a picture of you giving a thumbs up and I’ll let out a moan of ecstasy. Build a house in a week. You know, Ty Pennington stuff. Just don’t waste my time with any other TV personality because I want Ty Pennington and only Ty Pennington.
And if you’re not going to joyfully shout “MOVE THAT BUS” during climax, then just don’t even waste my time.
When it comes to being Ty Pennington, I don’t discriminate based on gender. In fact, I’m down with anybody being Ty Pennington as long as you can work a denim vest and can keep your mouth slightly open at all times. My sexuality may be fluid, but my love for Ty is as solid as the foundations he’s built in a questionable and potentially illegal amount of time.
By doing this one thing very well, you can make all my fantasies come to life. You might not understand how much power is in your strong, capable, rugged hands. Remember, I’m down for anything but if we’re doing role play, we’re playing Extreme Makeover: Fuck Me Edition.